Sunday, September 12, 2004
Love, Sex, and Dating Series--Love
LOVE
I want to make it clear from the beginning that my suggestions are aimed at maturing Christian believers—those who want God’s best in life. For the non-believer they may well be irrational, impractical, undesirable and impossible.
Even for a believer, some of the ideas may generate resistance…too weird, too conservative (or too liberal), too extreme, too out-dated.
Nevertheless, I believe it is my responsibility to share my values and convictions with you…in order to influence the development of your values and convictions. Intelligent people make better decisions when they process a wider range of data. It is my intent to provide a broad stroke picture of God’s plan in regard to love, sex, and establishing friendships with the opposite sex. What you choose to do with this data is your responsibility before God.
Though I could probably generate a more immediate attention by moving right into the discussion on Christian sexuality…I am convinced that dynamic sex requires great skill in “making love”…so I want to begin at a more fundamental level…LOVE. The plan is to have a talk followed by a brief discussion in each of these three areas…then conclude with a question and answer time.
Three Greek Words for Love…
Eros…from which we get the word “erotic”. This refers primarily to the sensuous physical love, ie. the chemical reactions and emotive sensations.
Phileo…this is tribal love, family bonding, brotherly affection. Again, a good thing to help facilitate family and social ties. The American city Philadelphia means literally “city of brotherly love”.
Agape…total unconditional and self-sacrificial giving of oneself for another…modeled in the trinity. John 3:16 and Romans 5:8
Agape love is not…“I love you if…” (dependent on receiving something)
Nor is it….. “I love you because…” (based on mutual satisfaction)
Rather agape love is…“I love you—full stop.” (this is a love which seeks to meet the needs of the other because of the character of the lover). Agape is characterised by selflessness. This type of love is best translated with a four letter English word…G-I-V-E. It is a commitment to give of oneself without holding back. It is primarily identified by intellect and will (accompanied by consistent action) more than by emotion. Agape love is not primarily a “feeling” but a commitment.
God is the personal fulfilment and model of this type of love…I Jn 4:8-10
If we want to experience and demonstrate this kind of love with others a primary goal should be to so relate to God that His presence transforms our character.
Because of His agape love for us He has not only given us His Son…so that we might have life…and His Spirit…so that we might have the power to be life-transformed. He has also given us a revelation of Himself in His word…so that we might have a guidebook to the life of love. God’s word is designed with human welfare in mind. It’s specific instruction and general principles are for our benefit. We enjoy fullness of life as we learn to trust his revelation more that our own imagination…and follow His instructions.
The commands of God are an objective display of His love for us…
Commandments—“do’s”—have a goal of provision.
Prohibitions—“don’ts”—have a goal of protection.
Our Heavenly Father knows what is best for us in regard to life…and He wants the best for us. So he tells us what to pursue and what to avoid. Even imperfect human fathers who love their children do the same. When I command my children not to touch the hot plate it is not because I want to deprive them of a powerful tactile experience…rather it is because I do not want them to be burned.
God knows the devastating consequences of wrong behaviour far better than we do. That’s why His love motivates Him to protect us by forbidding certain behaviour. Temptation is the bait to deadly trap. (Arctic wolves and knife illustration). God warns us to stay clear of sin.
In addition to an attitude of selfless love…the Bible clearly teaches we also need the context of marriage for our human sexuality to fulfil its divine purposes. It would be misrepresentative to discuss sex without giving a thumbnail perspective on marriage from a biblical perspective…
MARRIAGE
The book of Genesis is very helpful here.
Genesis 1:26-27… tells us that we were created in the image of God. I believe a primary characteristic of this “image-bearing” is the ability to experience an intimate fellowship with others. The Trinity best models this seemingly impossible state of union—three in one. But early in God’s revelation we are told that His image-bearers will also have this ability… for two to be intimately joined as one.
Genesis 2:24… they weren’t created as one…but God designed a way in which they were to become one flesh…a three part process resulting in intimate union. They were instructed to leave, cleave, and become one flesh. All three are vital to the process in God’s eyes.
LEAVE…(legal and social responsibility)………………………............Marriage
CLEAVE…(psychological responsibility—emotional bonding)......Love
ONE FLESH…(sexual responsibility--faithfulness)……………......Sex
Sex (one flesh) and love (cleaving) without marriage (leaving) is not union
Marriage (leaving) and sex (one flesh) without love (cleave) is not union
Love (cleaving) and marriage (leaving) without sex (one flesh) is not union
In my thinking, this three-part process is what prevents rape (becoming one flesh) from creating the marital union that God intended. Without leaving and cleaving…sex (by itself) is not union. If you have been raped this should be of great comfort to you. Your potential for intimate union in the context of marriage is no less possible than a virgin’s. I might also add the rape is essentially an act of violence not sex as God intended. It only reveals the “character of the rapist”…not the victim.
Though undoubtedly you may be able to contrive some unusual exceptions to the above process…it is presented biblically…and very early on in history…as the standard of marriage process that God intended.
I want to make it clear from the beginning that my suggestions are aimed at maturing Christian believers—those who want God’s best in life. For the non-believer they may well be irrational, impractical, undesirable and impossible.
Even for a believer, some of the ideas may generate resistance…too weird, too conservative (or too liberal), too extreme, too out-dated.
Nevertheless, I believe it is my responsibility to share my values and convictions with you…in order to influence the development of your values and convictions. Intelligent people make better decisions when they process a wider range of data. It is my intent to provide a broad stroke picture of God’s plan in regard to love, sex, and establishing friendships with the opposite sex. What you choose to do with this data is your responsibility before God.
Though I could probably generate a more immediate attention by moving right into the discussion on Christian sexuality…I am convinced that dynamic sex requires great skill in “making love”…so I want to begin at a more fundamental level…LOVE. The plan is to have a talk followed by a brief discussion in each of these three areas…then conclude with a question and answer time.
Three Greek Words for Love…
Eros…from which we get the word “erotic”. This refers primarily to the sensuous physical love, ie. the chemical reactions and emotive sensations.
Phileo…this is tribal love, family bonding, brotherly affection. Again, a good thing to help facilitate family and social ties. The American city Philadelphia means literally “city of brotherly love”.
Agape…total unconditional and self-sacrificial giving of oneself for another…modeled in the trinity. John 3:16 and Romans 5:8
Agape love is not…“I love you if…” (dependent on receiving something)
Nor is it….. “I love you because…” (based on mutual satisfaction)
Rather agape love is…“I love you—full stop.” (this is a love which seeks to meet the needs of the other because of the character of the lover). Agape is characterised by selflessness. This type of love is best translated with a four letter English word…G-I-V-E. It is a commitment to give of oneself without holding back. It is primarily identified by intellect and will (accompanied by consistent action) more than by emotion. Agape love is not primarily a “feeling” but a commitment.
God is the personal fulfilment and model of this type of love…I Jn 4:8-10
If we want to experience and demonstrate this kind of love with others a primary goal should be to so relate to God that His presence transforms our character.
Because of His agape love for us He has not only given us His Son…so that we might have life…and His Spirit…so that we might have the power to be life-transformed. He has also given us a revelation of Himself in His word…so that we might have a guidebook to the life of love. God’s word is designed with human welfare in mind. It’s specific instruction and general principles are for our benefit. We enjoy fullness of life as we learn to trust his revelation more that our own imagination…and follow His instructions.
The commands of God are an objective display of His love for us…
Commandments—“do’s”—have a goal of provision.
Prohibitions—“don’ts”—have a goal of protection.
Our Heavenly Father knows what is best for us in regard to life…and He wants the best for us. So he tells us what to pursue and what to avoid. Even imperfect human fathers who love their children do the same. When I command my children not to touch the hot plate it is not because I want to deprive them of a powerful tactile experience…rather it is because I do not want them to be burned.
God knows the devastating consequences of wrong behaviour far better than we do. That’s why His love motivates Him to protect us by forbidding certain behaviour. Temptation is the bait to deadly trap. (Arctic wolves and knife illustration). God warns us to stay clear of sin.
In addition to an attitude of selfless love…the Bible clearly teaches we also need the context of marriage for our human sexuality to fulfil its divine purposes. It would be misrepresentative to discuss sex without giving a thumbnail perspective on marriage from a biblical perspective…
MARRIAGE
The book of Genesis is very helpful here.
Genesis 1:26-27… tells us that we were created in the image of God. I believe a primary characteristic of this “image-bearing” is the ability to experience an intimate fellowship with others. The Trinity best models this seemingly impossible state of union—three in one. But early in God’s revelation we are told that His image-bearers will also have this ability… for two to be intimately joined as one.
Genesis 2:24… they weren’t created as one…but God designed a way in which they were to become one flesh…a three part process resulting in intimate union. They were instructed to leave, cleave, and become one flesh. All three are vital to the process in God’s eyes.
LEAVE…(legal and social responsibility)………………………............Marriage
CLEAVE…(psychological responsibility—emotional bonding)......Love
ONE FLESH…(sexual responsibility--faithfulness)……………......Sex
Sex (one flesh) and love (cleaving) without marriage (leaving) is not union
Marriage (leaving) and sex (one flesh) without love (cleave) is not union
Love (cleaving) and marriage (leaving) without sex (one flesh) is not union
In my thinking, this three-part process is what prevents rape (becoming one flesh) from creating the marital union that God intended. Without leaving and cleaving…sex (by itself) is not union. If you have been raped this should be of great comfort to you. Your potential for intimate union in the context of marriage is no less possible than a virgin’s. I might also add the rape is essentially an act of violence not sex as God intended. It only reveals the “character of the rapist”…not the victim.
Though undoubtedly you may be able to contrive some unusual exceptions to the above process…it is presented biblically…and very early on in history…as the standard of marriage process that God intended.
# posted by Speckman's Scratchings @ 4:42 PM 
