Sunday, September 12, 2004
Love, Sex, and Dating Series--Sex
(RADICAL) SEX
A Christian Perspective
INTRODUCTION
The title I have given to this subject is not simply a promotional “come-on”.
The Christian perspective on sex is indeed “radical”…originating in the word “radix” meaning “central core or root” and implying a basic and foundational principle or assumption. Current usage of the word identifies an influencial person or idea that promotes extreme change in existing views, habits, conditions, or institutions…usually in an attempt to restore to an earlier fundamental state.
Contrary to public opinion…the true Christian is NOT preoccupied with arguing an unreasoned commitment to institutional or societal behaviour patterns in the area of human sexuality. Nor is he or she obsessed with aggressively espousing an antiquated Victorian moral standard. The radix of Christianity is not our sexual mores…but our core commitment to the person of Jesus, whom the Christian believes to be (among other things) …the manifestation of truth in human form.
Ultimately our view of sexual issues must be filtered through His revelation of truth. As the personification of truth…what Jesus says to us in this (and for that matter in any) area of life…is all that really counts! The rest is merely our human opinion…and therefore subject to error.
It must be obvious that I have already limited my audience substantially to those who would be considered followers of Christ. I do not apologise for that “narrowing down”…nor do I demand (or even expect) those who do not intend to follow Christ to whole-heartedly accept either the principles or practices that I will suggest. But…because I believe that I have stayed close to the biblical revealed truth about our sexuality…the Christian (at the very least) needs to give serious thought to how he or she will integrate these God-revealed realities into their life practices.
So why am I introducing a “truth” concern in a discussion on sexuality?
Because truth is vitally important! To build an entire lifestyle on illusion is a tragedy…as well as a sham. In contrast, Jesus said “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” He is 100% committed to setting us free in life issues…to liberating us from bondage to unhealthy beliefs and behaviours. May I encourage you to allow God to speak to you in the next couple of minutes…and exhort you to listen to Him...and respond as appropriate for you.
GOD’S PERSPECTIVE ON SEX
1) SEX IS GOOD
It is beneficial to human beings and designed to be intensely pleasurable and fulfilling. God is not “against” sex…He created it! Solomon (recognised to be the wisest man in scripture) tells his sons to “let your wife’s love and your sexual embrace intoxicate you continually with delight…always enjoy the ecstacy of her love”. An entire book of the Bible is believed by most commentators to be a tastefully veiled manual on sexual love. The New Testament warns against abstaining from sexual intercourse in marriage except in unusual circumstances (I Corin. 7:5) These portions of Scripture are not merely sanctioned by God…but inspired by him. (II Tim 3:16-17 and I Tim 4:3-4). Sex is good because it is created by God.
2) SEX IS GOOD FOR US
Sex has intrinsic value that extends beyond pleasure…it is useful and helps fulfill God’s purposes. As such it is not intended as an “end” in itself but as a “means” to a higher end…unification, recreation, procreation.
Instead of the word “sex” Scripture refers to the act of sexual intercourse as “knowing”…Translate…“Adam knew his wife” as reading…“Adam had intimate sexual relations with his wife”. It’s actually a pretty good term (“knowing”) because it goes far beyond the idea of mere physical copulation…to imply that the intercourse is a means of self-disclosure…or self-revelation…so that the partners know each other. Sexual intercourse is a communication tool…or as one writer puts it “a celebration of past, present, and future commitment to one another”. Intercourse is a means to intimate personal understanding of another person.
Used properly, sexual intercourse is also an object lesson in one of the most vital aspects of a love relationship…voluntary self-giving based on commitment to another. I believe sex is intended to be an object lesson in the satisfaction of giving. I benefit by willingly giving my body to my chosen partner…where all around me the world says true satisfaction in not in giving but in getting…in accumulating. A godly perspective on sexual intercourse teaches the importance (and joy) of putting my partner’s needs before my own.
Here we see the radical nature of human sexuality as God intended it to be used. The emphasis on the pre-requisites of love, responsibility, commitment, and service cuts to the core of our prevailing philosophy of life. Instead of arguing “your life for my benefit”…we are asked to embrace the self-sacrificing principle of the cross…“my life for your benefit”.
3) SEX IS POWERFUL
Apart from any uniquely Christian experience, sheer raw sexual drive itself can move people to engage in unbelievably dangerous situations. But in the context of a loving marriage relationship, sexual intercourse is the glue that cements the bond between husband and wife. It is a God-designed dynamic tool for the development of the marriage bond.
It is one of the most powerful tools in our marital toolbox…and it takes two people to use this tool.
Like any powerful tool it will take some time and experience to learn how to use it properly. I would argue that gaining skill in dynamic sexual intercourse is best learned from your marriage partner…not someone who is not committed enough to your well-being to commit to a lifetime together. (In a very practical note…learning from each other only avoids the problems of comparison, unfulfilled expectations, disappointment, and dissatisfaction in sex.)
Sexual intercourse is powerful and useful as a process…but misleading as a product! Sex is not primarily a marketable commodity--unless you reduce it to the abhorrent aberration of prostitution. I suspect that this is a core understanding regarding Christian sexual expression…will I commit to using sexual intercourse as part of the process—a means by which God develops me and my marriage? Or will I focus on the pleasure of sex as a consumable product—an end in itself?
4) SEX IS PROTECTED
Precisely because it is a good and powerful tool, God seeks to “protect” sex. He is not against the use of sex…but He is adamantly opposed to the abuse of sex. He is deeply concerned about the abuse of sex because He is well aware of the negative consequences that flow from a misuse of the tool.
This divine opposition finds expression in clearly defined limitations or restrictions on sexual activity. His protective boundaries are simple and easily communicated…so that there is no confusion. The Scripture is quite clear—sexual expression is reserved for a male and female who are married to each other. This standard rules out homosexual, premarital, and extra-marital sexual intimacy.
Within marriage…the rules regarding sex are few. The Bible is not obsessed with rigid rules of sexual practice within marriage…it simply infers, “Marriage is the primary boundary of wholesome sexual activity.” So there are not an abundance of rules…and no real need to repeat them frequently.
Outside marriage…sex is prohibited. The boundaries are prescribed adequately enough in Scripture for us to rule out any question of God’s intent. According to the Bible, adultery (Exodus 20:14), fornication (1 Corinthians 6:18), and homosexuality (Leviticus 16:22, I Corin. 6:9) are prohibited for the believer.
Once again, it is key to see that prohibitions are intended to protect us. Non-marriage sex is prohibited because it is so powerful. (Example of atomic energy). It can be productive or destructive depending on how it is used. It can be our servant…or our master…as we will it.
In a wrap-up on God’s perspective on sex…the only biblical defensible position on sexual activity for the Christian is either total abstinence …OR…total faithfulness to one’s opposite sex marriage partner.
Before I conclude I think it might be helpful to briefly contrast what the world really has to offer in this area. It promises much…and right now…but it’s pleasures come with an enormous price tag. Putting sex into the world’s consumer oriented mentality for a moment…Do you really want to pay this much for an inferior product???
THE WORLD’S PERSPECTIVE ON SEX
Whatever else it promises…indiscriminate sex tends to end up being dehumanizing, destructive, and distracting…
DEHUMANIZING…Due in part to a philosophical shift regarding human origins. Science tells us that we are only advanced animals…or a collection of chemicals…either way humans are reduced to objects. The worldly view tends to overvalue sex at the expense of love. In his book God, Sex, and You, M.O. Vincent warns,
“The more one depreciates and devalues love in human relationships, while at the same time overvaluing sex…then the more sex becomes merely a matter of technique.” (p.18)
In the past we tended to value people and use things. More recently we have shifted toward valuing things and using people. If we use others to gratify our own sexual desires we are treating them as expendable consumer items. We further dehumanize them when we decide they have outlived their usefulness as a sex object so we turn them in for a newer model. Sex without responsibility of commitment can become a form of consumerism.
As Christians, we are to be vitally concerned with the value and dignity of every human being. We are called to serve others in love…not use them for self-gratification. We must learn to attach “value” without demanding possession.
DESTRUCTIVE…
PHYSICALLY…STD (sexually transmitted diseases)…a modern disease of gigantic proportions which is virtually dependent on pre-marital and extra-marital for transmission. Limitation of sexual expression to marriage would wipe out AIDS in one generation.
PSYCHOLOGICALLY…Psychiatrist Doris Odlum, while Vice-President of the National Association of Mental Health, stated, “only the most depraved and perverted people would accept the view that we should satisfy our primitive urges to steal…or to murder (for example)…that it would be damaging to our mental health if we restrained these impulses.
“It is somewhat curious, therefore, that people have failed to understand that a completely selfish and irresponsible attitude in relation to the fulfilling of our sexual demands…damages our personality, as well as being anti-social…From the psychological point-of-view, it is accepted that self-indulgence and irresponsibility in regard to any aspect of our lives tends to corrupt us and insidiously leads to a lowering of our self-respect, and our stands for integrity in every other aspect of our lives.”
SOCIALLY…Dr. J. D. Unwin after surveying societies both civilized and uncivilized in his book Sexual Relations in Human Behavior, concluded in part…
“Any human society is free to choose either to display great energy or to enjoy sexual 'freedom'; the evidence is that it cannot do both for more than one generation.”
Sexual freedom is a Satanic euphemism for enslavement. True freedom is not the ability to say “yes”, but the ability to say “no”. Example of slavery “Yes, massa”…and liberation “no way.”
In her book New Dynamics in Sexual Love, Mary Joyce writes,
“Liberation in sex means being able to take it or leave it…The way to liberation is the friendship of men and women. But there is barely any cultural precedent for such a relationship. It needs to be created almost out of nothing. (What a challenge to Christians!) People think that men can be friends (with other men) and women can be friends with other women…but men be friends with women? Friendship requires a kind of sexual freedom so that persons may share meanings, values, and feelings without erotic urgencies nagging the depths of their awareness.”
We will always reap what we sow. Though it is true that we are free to sow what we will sexually…we are not free to reap other than what we have sown.
DISTRACTING…a casual approach to sexual morality tends to pull our eyes away from a focus on God and His purposes. Through the centuries, I suspect that no other single sin has done a better job of sidetracking young Christians from a closer walk with Jesus than sexual temptation, sin, and the resulting sense of guilt. “Holiness” means to be set apart for God’s special purposes. He calls us to sexual purity so that He can use us in His perfect plan. We choose whether or not we will be “holy” so that we can be useful to by Him.
The world sacrifices love for sex. We are called to temporarily sacrifice sex for the sake of love.
I have tried to give a reasonable number of some powerful arguments (for reserving sexual expression for marriage) that are not necessarily “religious” in nature…but personally I believe the main reason for being faithful to my mate (both before and during marriage) is that God makes is quite clear that this is His will for us. For the Christian, I would suggest that we don’t really need any other reasons!
In conclusion, with a group of this size where most of you are in a pre-marital stage of life, I need to make a couple of other comments. Some of you may be saying to yourself…“Fine and good…but a little late for me! I’ve already violated God’s standard. I can’t enter a second time into virginity.”
The good news of salvation in Christ…because of his death in payment of our sins…includes all sexual sin in the list. If you are a Christian, God has already forgiven you at the cross. You can deal with this sin the same way you deal with any other…confess it and appropriate God’s power in resisting it in the future.
The fact that you are not a virgin does not excuse you from pursuing holiness. Phil 3:13-14 makes it clear that our past behaviour is never an excuse for present sin. Violating God’s prohibition will leave a scar…but it is foolish to say that “since I am scarred, I won’t worry about whether or not I am making my situation even worse.”
The time to draw the line in the sand regarding your commitment to sexual purity is not sitting in the back seat of car in the midst of an intimate caress. Ideally you need to make the decision before you get intimately involved with another person. And if you are already there…I would encourage you to make that decision now. Talk to each other about it!
A Christian Perspective
INTRODUCTION
The title I have given to this subject is not simply a promotional “come-on”.
The Christian perspective on sex is indeed “radical”…originating in the word “radix” meaning “central core or root” and implying a basic and foundational principle or assumption. Current usage of the word identifies an influencial person or idea that promotes extreme change in existing views, habits, conditions, or institutions…usually in an attempt to restore to an earlier fundamental state.
Contrary to public opinion…the true Christian is NOT preoccupied with arguing an unreasoned commitment to institutional or societal behaviour patterns in the area of human sexuality. Nor is he or she obsessed with aggressively espousing an antiquated Victorian moral standard. The radix of Christianity is not our sexual mores…but our core commitment to the person of Jesus, whom the Christian believes to be (among other things) …the manifestation of truth in human form.
Ultimately our view of sexual issues must be filtered through His revelation of truth. As the personification of truth…what Jesus says to us in this (and for that matter in any) area of life…is all that really counts! The rest is merely our human opinion…and therefore subject to error.
It must be obvious that I have already limited my audience substantially to those who would be considered followers of Christ. I do not apologise for that “narrowing down”…nor do I demand (or even expect) those who do not intend to follow Christ to whole-heartedly accept either the principles or practices that I will suggest. But…because I believe that I have stayed close to the biblical revealed truth about our sexuality…the Christian (at the very least) needs to give serious thought to how he or she will integrate these God-revealed realities into their life practices.
So why am I introducing a “truth” concern in a discussion on sexuality?
Because truth is vitally important! To build an entire lifestyle on illusion is a tragedy…as well as a sham. In contrast, Jesus said “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” He is 100% committed to setting us free in life issues…to liberating us from bondage to unhealthy beliefs and behaviours. May I encourage you to allow God to speak to you in the next couple of minutes…and exhort you to listen to Him...and respond as appropriate for you.
GOD’S PERSPECTIVE ON SEX
1) SEX IS GOOD
It is beneficial to human beings and designed to be intensely pleasurable and fulfilling. God is not “against” sex…He created it! Solomon (recognised to be the wisest man in scripture) tells his sons to “let your wife’s love and your sexual embrace intoxicate you continually with delight…always enjoy the ecstacy of her love”. An entire book of the Bible is believed by most commentators to be a tastefully veiled manual on sexual love. The New Testament warns against abstaining from sexual intercourse in marriage except in unusual circumstances (I Corin. 7:5) These portions of Scripture are not merely sanctioned by God…but inspired by him. (II Tim 3:16-17 and I Tim 4:3-4). Sex is good because it is created by God.
2) SEX IS GOOD FOR US
Sex has intrinsic value that extends beyond pleasure…it is useful and helps fulfill God’s purposes. As such it is not intended as an “end” in itself but as a “means” to a higher end…unification, recreation, procreation.
Instead of the word “sex” Scripture refers to the act of sexual intercourse as “knowing”…Translate…“Adam knew his wife” as reading…“Adam had intimate sexual relations with his wife”. It’s actually a pretty good term (“knowing”) because it goes far beyond the idea of mere physical copulation…to imply that the intercourse is a means of self-disclosure…or self-revelation…so that the partners know each other. Sexual intercourse is a communication tool…or as one writer puts it “a celebration of past, present, and future commitment to one another”. Intercourse is a means to intimate personal understanding of another person.
Used properly, sexual intercourse is also an object lesson in one of the most vital aspects of a love relationship…voluntary self-giving based on commitment to another. I believe sex is intended to be an object lesson in the satisfaction of giving. I benefit by willingly giving my body to my chosen partner…where all around me the world says true satisfaction in not in giving but in getting…in accumulating. A godly perspective on sexual intercourse teaches the importance (and joy) of putting my partner’s needs before my own.
Here we see the radical nature of human sexuality as God intended it to be used. The emphasis on the pre-requisites of love, responsibility, commitment, and service cuts to the core of our prevailing philosophy of life. Instead of arguing “your life for my benefit”…we are asked to embrace the self-sacrificing principle of the cross…“my life for your benefit”.
3) SEX IS POWERFUL
Apart from any uniquely Christian experience, sheer raw sexual drive itself can move people to engage in unbelievably dangerous situations. But in the context of a loving marriage relationship, sexual intercourse is the glue that cements the bond between husband and wife. It is a God-designed dynamic tool for the development of the marriage bond.
It is one of the most powerful tools in our marital toolbox…and it takes two people to use this tool.
Like any powerful tool it will take some time and experience to learn how to use it properly. I would argue that gaining skill in dynamic sexual intercourse is best learned from your marriage partner…not someone who is not committed enough to your well-being to commit to a lifetime together. (In a very practical note…learning from each other only avoids the problems of comparison, unfulfilled expectations, disappointment, and dissatisfaction in sex.)
Sexual intercourse is powerful and useful as a process…but misleading as a product! Sex is not primarily a marketable commodity--unless you reduce it to the abhorrent aberration of prostitution. I suspect that this is a core understanding regarding Christian sexual expression…will I commit to using sexual intercourse as part of the process—a means by which God develops me and my marriage? Or will I focus on the pleasure of sex as a consumable product—an end in itself?
4) SEX IS PROTECTED
Precisely because it is a good and powerful tool, God seeks to “protect” sex. He is not against the use of sex…but He is adamantly opposed to the abuse of sex. He is deeply concerned about the abuse of sex because He is well aware of the negative consequences that flow from a misuse of the tool.
This divine opposition finds expression in clearly defined limitations or restrictions on sexual activity. His protective boundaries are simple and easily communicated…so that there is no confusion. The Scripture is quite clear—sexual expression is reserved for a male and female who are married to each other. This standard rules out homosexual, premarital, and extra-marital sexual intimacy.
Within marriage…the rules regarding sex are few. The Bible is not obsessed with rigid rules of sexual practice within marriage…it simply infers, “Marriage is the primary boundary of wholesome sexual activity.” So there are not an abundance of rules…and no real need to repeat them frequently.
Outside marriage…sex is prohibited. The boundaries are prescribed adequately enough in Scripture for us to rule out any question of God’s intent. According to the Bible, adultery (Exodus 20:14), fornication (1 Corinthians 6:18), and homosexuality (Leviticus 16:22, I Corin. 6:9) are prohibited for the believer.
Once again, it is key to see that prohibitions are intended to protect us. Non-marriage sex is prohibited because it is so powerful. (Example of atomic energy). It can be productive or destructive depending on how it is used. It can be our servant…or our master…as we will it.
In a wrap-up on God’s perspective on sex…the only biblical defensible position on sexual activity for the Christian is either total abstinence …OR…total faithfulness to one’s opposite sex marriage partner.
Before I conclude I think it might be helpful to briefly contrast what the world really has to offer in this area. It promises much…and right now…but it’s pleasures come with an enormous price tag. Putting sex into the world’s consumer oriented mentality for a moment…Do you really want to pay this much for an inferior product???
THE WORLD’S PERSPECTIVE ON SEX
Whatever else it promises…indiscriminate sex tends to end up being dehumanizing, destructive, and distracting…
DEHUMANIZING…Due in part to a philosophical shift regarding human origins. Science tells us that we are only advanced animals…or a collection of chemicals…either way humans are reduced to objects. The worldly view tends to overvalue sex at the expense of love. In his book God, Sex, and You, M.O. Vincent warns,
“The more one depreciates and devalues love in human relationships, while at the same time overvaluing sex…then the more sex becomes merely a matter of technique.” (p.18)
In the past we tended to value people and use things. More recently we have shifted toward valuing things and using people. If we use others to gratify our own sexual desires we are treating them as expendable consumer items. We further dehumanize them when we decide they have outlived their usefulness as a sex object so we turn them in for a newer model. Sex without responsibility of commitment can become a form of consumerism.
As Christians, we are to be vitally concerned with the value and dignity of every human being. We are called to serve others in love…not use them for self-gratification. We must learn to attach “value” without demanding possession.
DESTRUCTIVE…
PHYSICALLY…STD (sexually transmitted diseases)…a modern disease of gigantic proportions which is virtually dependent on pre-marital and extra-marital for transmission. Limitation of sexual expression to marriage would wipe out AIDS in one generation.
PSYCHOLOGICALLY…Psychiatrist Doris Odlum, while Vice-President of the National Association of Mental Health, stated, “only the most depraved and perverted people would accept the view that we should satisfy our primitive urges to steal…or to murder (for example)…that it would be damaging to our mental health if we restrained these impulses.
“It is somewhat curious, therefore, that people have failed to understand that a completely selfish and irresponsible attitude in relation to the fulfilling of our sexual demands…damages our personality, as well as being anti-social…From the psychological point-of-view, it is accepted that self-indulgence and irresponsibility in regard to any aspect of our lives tends to corrupt us and insidiously leads to a lowering of our self-respect, and our stands for integrity in every other aspect of our lives.”
SOCIALLY…Dr. J. D. Unwin after surveying societies both civilized and uncivilized in his book Sexual Relations in Human Behavior, concluded in part…
“Any human society is free to choose either to display great energy or to enjoy sexual 'freedom'; the evidence is that it cannot do both for more than one generation.”
Sexual freedom is a Satanic euphemism for enslavement. True freedom is not the ability to say “yes”, but the ability to say “no”. Example of slavery “Yes, massa”…and liberation “no way.”
In her book New Dynamics in Sexual Love, Mary Joyce writes,
“Liberation in sex means being able to take it or leave it…The way to liberation is the friendship of men and women. But there is barely any cultural precedent for such a relationship. It needs to be created almost out of nothing. (What a challenge to Christians!) People think that men can be friends (with other men) and women can be friends with other women…but men be friends with women? Friendship requires a kind of sexual freedom so that persons may share meanings, values, and feelings without erotic urgencies nagging the depths of their awareness.”
We will always reap what we sow. Though it is true that we are free to sow what we will sexually…we are not free to reap other than what we have sown.
DISTRACTING…a casual approach to sexual morality tends to pull our eyes away from a focus on God and His purposes. Through the centuries, I suspect that no other single sin has done a better job of sidetracking young Christians from a closer walk with Jesus than sexual temptation, sin, and the resulting sense of guilt. “Holiness” means to be set apart for God’s special purposes. He calls us to sexual purity so that He can use us in His perfect plan. We choose whether or not we will be “holy” so that we can be useful to by Him.
The world sacrifices love for sex. We are called to temporarily sacrifice sex for the sake of love.
I have tried to give a reasonable number of some powerful arguments (for reserving sexual expression for marriage) that are not necessarily “religious” in nature…but personally I believe the main reason for being faithful to my mate (both before and during marriage) is that God makes is quite clear that this is His will for us. For the Christian, I would suggest that we don’t really need any other reasons!
In conclusion, with a group of this size where most of you are in a pre-marital stage of life, I need to make a couple of other comments. Some of you may be saying to yourself…“Fine and good…but a little late for me! I’ve already violated God’s standard. I can’t enter a second time into virginity.”
The good news of salvation in Christ…because of his death in payment of our sins…includes all sexual sin in the list. If you are a Christian, God has already forgiven you at the cross. You can deal with this sin the same way you deal with any other…confess it and appropriate God’s power in resisting it in the future.
The fact that you are not a virgin does not excuse you from pursuing holiness. Phil 3:13-14 makes it clear that our past behaviour is never an excuse for present sin. Violating God’s prohibition will leave a scar…but it is foolish to say that “since I am scarred, I won’t worry about whether or not I am making my situation even worse.”
The time to draw the line in the sand regarding your commitment to sexual purity is not sitting in the back seat of car in the midst of an intimate caress. Ideally you need to make the decision before you get intimately involved with another person. And if you are already there…I would encourage you to make that decision now. Talk to each other about it!
# posted by Speckman's Scratchings @ 4:09 PM 
Comments:
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fantastic stuff gary
its not often you see plain speak on this subject
well done
you've also pulled some great quotes out there - can i use this material?
cheers
its not often you see plain speak on this subject
well done
you've also pulled some great quotes out there - can i use this material?
cheers
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: January 18, 2013 at 8:04 AM
: January 18, 2013 at 8:04 AM << Home
